True Confession: How Do I Tell Him That I Have A Child For Another Man?

This forum you have created on your news site has encouraged me to come out and share the burdens that have beclouded my heart since the preparation towards my Marriage started.

It will be very difficult for me to divulge my identity and that of my proposed husband here, simply because I don’t want to lose him. All I want is an advice. I want to seek your opinion, because as it stands now, I’m in an impasse; I’m wrapped in a string of mess, and my conscience strikes me in the wake of another day, even as I will be taking my marital vows next month.

It all started when I was in the Secondary school, that was 9 years ago, 2003 to be précised. Then, I was in my SS2 when I had this guy as a boy friend. He was only posted to my school as a youth corps member. The mentality then was that every happening girl must date a corps member. We used to call them “Corpers”. I was lucky to have had one. One thing I envied then about the relationship was the fact that he lived in my school quarters, so I always had easy access to him after classes. At least not even the school gatemen could suspect anything as I was one of the brightest students in class, coupled with my status as the school SP.

What appeared so sweet at the beginning turned sour at the 6th month of the guy’s service year in my school; I remember now, yes… it was during my mock examination, one event that will always make me remember the exact date.   I wasn’t bleeding, no! I mean I just stopped menstruating for a whole month, and it became a source of worry to both me and Jo…sorry, I said I won’t call the name. I had gone melancholic with no hope at sight. I had visited one quack doctor around the school for a pregnancy test, and it was confirmed that I was pregnant. That day…that day, I just can’t imagine. I wanted the ground to open its mouth so I could vamoose into it.

I was given possible options; it’s either you come for an abortion or keep the child” the doctor had said in the most sarcastic manner. I can still see his face in the realm of my imagination. It was a battle of the mind. My mind was not only troubled but bleeding. I could imagine how the blood was pumping; my arteries and veins were terribly overworked. I couldn’t share my trouble with anybody.  My “corper’ friend had advised we get rid of what he called the bastard, but just before then, a girl died from the same chemist, carrying out  the same act. I couldn’t go with that choice, I was dead-confused.  When it was two months, the whole sign was beginning to show in my body, and my parents confronted me. I disclosed to them. However, my wicked boy friend denied… yes, he left me standing alone, face to face with shame.

My parents took things easy with him. They didn’t want to be too hard on him as they believed he was going to realize himself. I stopped going to school, because of shame. In the third months of my pregnancy, he had completed his NYSC and left my school. All I knew about him was that he came from Ikem in Anambra state.  But he left and never bothered to come back. I later traced him to the village, and I was humiliated by his family members who called me names, they called me prostitutes.

The day I left that village, I promised I will never go back again, and also resolved that he will never have that child if by God’s grace, I deliver safely.  I had my baby after 9 months of pregnancy like every other woman. I had to stay back at home for 2 extra years, before my parents allowed me to go back to school. Since then, I was able to complete even my University education, and presently working in one of the new generation banks in….sorry, I won’t let you know where, but my child is with my parents. He is 8 now.

The crux of the matter and the most disturbing aspect of my story is that I met one guy in the bank who picked interest in me and has since proposed to get married to me. We have been dating since last year, and a date has already been fixed for our marriage. As I write this note, I have less than four weeks to either walk down the aisle or have this plan crashed.  The problem is that I have never told this guy that I have a child from another man.

Please, I need your advice…it is very important to me. Do I disclose to my fiancé or keep it hidden until after our marriage? What if I go ahead and he discovers later that I have a child? Won’t he file for divorce? I ‘m dead confused. I’m confused because I have disclosed the same thing to men that I have dated in the past, and they all left me.

Please HELP ME… I don’t want to lose this MAN!

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