A couple of months after a break up, most men eventually realize that their relationship had run its course and breaking up was a good decision after all. He moves on and starts dating other women.
However, some men don’t know how to deal with a break up and can’t think about anything else but how to get his ex-girlfriend back. He finds it difficult to eat, sleep and concentrate at work before he’s back to thinking about his ex. No words of comfort such as, “plenty more fish in the sea,” makes any sense to him. All he wants is his ex-girlfriend back and nothing else seems to matter. If this man is you then you need to read on.
Do you want her back or need her back?
The first question that you need to ask yourself is, “ do I want her back or do I need her back?” This is a very important question that will determine the outcome of the whole argument.
If you want her back because what you had was a really good thing that somehow got messed up, you have a good reason to try and get her back. However, if you feel as if you need her back because you’re scared of being alone, and too lazy to go out and find a new girlfriend, then you probably need to stop and think twice about getting her back.
Think of it this way – You’ll probably have several more long term relationships throughout your life. This woman may be special to you right now, but if you had 1 or 2 other beautiful women who were interested in you right now, it’s more than likely that you wouldn’t be so worried about losing her. Also, if you knew that you could go out and attract any woman you wanted, you probably wouldn’t be so worried about meeting new women.
Why did you break up?
Most breakups don’t just happen. Often there are many warning signs that you either missed or ignored because you weren’t as emotionally involved in the relationship as you should have been. More often than not, most of the men that want to get their ex-girlfriend back have either become too needy, too protective or too much of a Mr Nice Guy around her.
Did either of you cheat?
It can be extremely difficult to save a relationship when one of you has cheated. Cheating causes a loss of trust that can be very hard to get back. If there was cheating, who was the one who was unfaithful?
If you cheated then you need to be genuinely sorry for it, and know deep down that it was a one off mistake and that you won’t do it again – you need to rebuild her trust in you. Of course this only matters if she’s willing to take you back.
If she was the one that cheated, you must decide whether you’re willing to live with the fact that she’s slept with someone else and not hold it against her in the future. This is entirely up to you but we’re warning you now – studies show that people who cheat in relationships usually end up repeating the offence. With that in mind, we’d advise that you break up with her and move on.It’ll be less painful than getting back together, falling for her even more, only for her to go out and cheat on you again.
If you decide to forgive her, you’ll have to forget about the past. Bringing up the past, especially when you’re fighting or when you want to hurt her feelings, will bring your relationship to an end anyway. So you may as well find a new girlfriend. And when you do, you need to ensure that any resentment and feelings of distrust you felt for your ex-girlfriend aren’t carried into your new relationship. You can’t assume that your new girlfriend is going to do the same – jealous, suspicious behaviour will set you up on the path for another break up.
It’s up to you to decide whether your relationship is worth saving. Deciding whether to forgive her or not is a very personal choice and you need to think long and hard about whether you’re willing to accept. It’s your decision and only you can make it.
Talk to her
If you’ve missed or ignored all the warning signs that your girlfriend is unhappy in the relationship and now wants to break up with you, she’ll probably want to talk to you about it. Hearing the line “We need to talk” and knowing how to handle it can greatly affect whether or not you can get your girlfriend back straight away or if you’ll need to make more of an effort to convince her.
It’s usually difficult to fix things as women often give vague reasons for the breakup. “ I need more space” or “It’s not you, it’s me” are all common excuses that women make. If that’s all she’s willing to give you to work with, then you’ll need to think about the part you may have played in the breakup. You need to decide whether her reason to end the relationship was justified, what you’re willing to do to correct any of the mistakes that you may have made, and if you should be expected to change at all. At the end of the day, maybe it’s her that is the problem.
However, more often than not, women will never tell you the real reason why they want to breakup with you. If she says something like, “I think you’ve changed” it could mean that she is no longer attracted to you.
If she simply says that you don’t spend enough time together, or other simple things that you can fix, you’ve got a good chance of getting her back. However if it’s deeper than that, like she’s lost attraction for you because you don’t look after yourself anymore, you’ve become too needy or too protective, or that you spend too much time with her and don’t have a life of your own, then it’s likely that you won’t get her back.
If you agree that you need to change and you’ve said that you’re going to, then you need to do just that. Actions always speak louder than words. You need to show her that you’re going to change – go to the gym, look after your appearance, be more confident, have a life of your own etc. If you’re not sure what to change.
The Do’s and Don’ts If You’ve Already Broken Up
Don’t harass her with calls and texts. You’ll come across as needy, desperate and pathetic.
Don’t beg or put yourself in a position when you’re giving up your power in the relationship. She’ll lose respect for you, lose attraction and it’ll probably scare her away. Women are attracted to men that are confident, dominant and mentally strong. Desperation is a major turnoff.
Don’t contact her family and friends and ask them to help you to get back with her. It’ll embarrass and anger her. You need to do it on your own.
Do show that you’re still happy with or without her in your life. Improve your image, be confident, go on holiday, catch up with friends, do the things you’ve always wanted to do – basically improve and enjoy yourself.
Do leave her alone. Give her some time to think about the relationship. If you had a great relationship, give her time to miss you.
Do cut off all communication. This may be very difficult at first, but it’s a good way to make her realize how much she needs and misses you.
Do something that’ll maintain your self-esteem. Start casually dating new women without shoving it back in her face.
Do be the Alpha Male.Get back the confidence that you had when you first started dating her.
Will You Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back?
If your relationship wasn’t meant to be then you’ll need to come to terms with the fact that it’s ended. Look at your relationship as a learning experience and take the lessons learned from this relationship into the next.
If you’re meant to be together and if she really does love you and want you back, she’ll eventually realize. Sometimes, a woman will come running back when she sees that she’s lost something valuable. She may need to go on a few dates before she realizes what she’s lost and that she is meant to be with you. On the other hand, if you broke up because you became weak, desperate or too protective, you don’t have much chance of getting her back.
Other Tips On Getting Her Back
- Let her contact you. Even if it takes months, she will text or call you if she wants you back. When she calls, don’t talk about your relationship straight away. Treat her as an old friend and that you’ve never dated.
- The best way to reconnect with your ex-girlfriend is to invite her out for lunch or something else that’s considered casual.
- If you get back together, discuss the issues that lead to the breakup and how you’ll avoid them this time. There’s no point going back into a relationship only to see it breakup again due to the same problems a few months down the line.